 Introduction:
Some times the more difficult part
of Father's day may be trying to find the perfect
card that speaks your heart. Last week's Newsweek
magazine ran an article on Jimmy Lee. He was running
the booming investment-banking business at Chase
Manhattan. He worked 17-hour days, keeping 6 cell
phones humming. His clients including AT&T and GM.
He made $20 million last year and nicknamed Jimmy Fee.
Forbes magazine put him on the cover, crowing him
"The New Power on Wall Street". He had 3
children: a 18 year old high school senior, 16 year
old Jamie and 9 year old Izzy. He is up at 5am each
day, prides himself in getting to the office first
and literally switching on the lights. Usually the
last to leave, he arrives at his Conn. home at 10pm.
The job of rearing his 3 children fell to his wife of
20 years. Even when he coached his son's Little
League team, he would race back to Manhattan after
each game. He says, "I felt proud of it."
Then something happened last
December. While he was meeting with Cisco System's
CEO, he was interrupted with an urgent phone call
from his oldest daughter. Fearing for the worst, he
rushed to take the call in a private office. But it
turned out to be good news: she had been accepted to
Williams College. Lee was overcome with emotions, but
it was not tears of joy. It was anguish that he wasn't
there to hug his daughter and had missed another
important moment in her life. Sitting in that private
office, he asked himself, "where did the years
go? I had not gone to one parent-teacher conference
at her school. I didn't know any of her teachers'
names. I just wasn't involved." It was the same
with his other children. "my little one, I didn't
even know what grade she was going into, " his
eyes were rimming with tears.
This experience forced him to take
a look at his family life. He gave himself an A+ on
the job, but a C- at home.
Do you ever feel the tension
between work and family? If you want to excel and
advance at work, you won't be able to spend much time
with your wife and children. For many years, women in
this country have struggled hard to find time between
career and family. And now, more and more men are
facing the same struggle.
On this Father's day, I would like
to spend some time with you, fathers, to review and
to reacquaint ourselves on some of the basics in
fatherhood.
On last year's Father's Day, we
looked at 1Thess 2:1-12, in the context of What Is
Man (male). Today we want to focus on vs 11-12.
"For you know that we dealt with each of you as
a father deals with his own children, encouraging,
comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God,
who calls you into his kingdom and glory."
Our first reaction is probably,
"what does Paul know about fatherhood. He wasn't
even married, not to say being a father. What did he
know?" Before we jump to any conclusion, let us
take another look at these two verses. He is actually
saying I am dealing with you like a father dealing
with his children. I learn this from other fathers.
And then on a closer look at how fathers deal with
their children: his own children, encouraging,
comforting, and urging. Don't they actually reflect
how God, the heavenly father deals with his children?
You see, in today's world, we have
a tendency to define God's fatherly nature according
to our own experience. If I have a good relationship
with my father, then I say this is how my heavenly
father is. If my relationship with my father is
distant, detached or even abusive, then I conclude
that this is how God relates to me. Instead, we're to
define our fatherly role according to how our
heavenly father treats us.
With this as our perspective, let's
explore what some of our fatherly roles are.
I. Father's
ownership of the children.
"as a father deals with his
own children" Here we want to focus on "own"
children. The father does not just make a baby with
his wife; this baby belongs to him. This is his own
child.
What do you do when you own a car,
a house, or a business? You take good care of it. Do
you still remember when you saw the first scratch
mark on your new car? If its your wife that did it,
remember the words that came out of your mouth? What
if you caused that? If we own something, we treat it
very carefully, for it is very important to us.
I asked my prison fellowship
partner, "tell me about your impression of your
father." He thought for a long while and said,
"I can't. The only thing I remembered was when
he gave me a lollipop." He seldom saw his father.
He never felt he was important to his father, not to
mention a sense of belonging.
In John 13:1, " Having loved
his own who were in the world, he now showed them the
full extent of his love." What did Jesus do to
those whom belong to him? He loved us, and continued
to love till the end, to the full extent. To him, we
are very important. He is very consistent and
persistent in loving us. He is always trustworthy in
his love for us. When we belong to him, we feel
important and secure.
Chen Sui Bien, president of Taiwan,
while attending his daughter's college graduation
said, "This is more important than my
presidential inauguration." One can imagine how
his daughter must felt on that day. Many of us know
Steve Case, president of AOL. His brother Dan Case is
the head of an investment bank. Recently, he
cancelled a meeting with king of Jordan, to attend
his son's preschool graduation. Can you imagine how
this son will feel when one day he found out that he
was more important than the king of Jordan! Dan Case
said, "if there is no balance in life, what is
the point of rank and riches?"
Not too many of us have the
opportunity of canceling a meeting with a king or
president in order to attend our children's activity.
But when we understand that our children belong to us,
we'll then do our best to protect them, to look out
for their well-being.
We'll spend time with our children,
doing things that are important to them. As they grow
older, we learn to accept and respect their decisions,
even though we may not agree with them.
Our children belong to us and they
need to know and feel that they are important to us.
They are a priority in our lives.
II. Father as
an encourager.
"As a father encourages his
own children..." From the hermeneutical
perspective, we must try not to make too much
distinction between encouraging and comforting. At
times their usage are inter changeable. But this
morning, I want to treat these two words separately.
In the early church, there was a
time when Timothy felt discouraged with his ministry.
He was in his 40's but considered young in that
culture. He might have been despised and looked down
by others. He might have even entertained the thought
of quitting. So Paul wrote to him. Paul did not say,
how could you even entertain such thoughts? Why
couldn't you stand up to them? Timothy, I am
disappointed with you. No, none of that, instead,1
Timothy 4:12, "Don't let anyone look down on you
because you are young, but set an example for the
believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and
in purity." Paul encouraged him, telling him
that he could lead that congregation. He could be an
example to them.
When do our children need
encouragement? When things don't go their way, when
they are overwhelmed by self-doubt or when criticized
by others. When they feel they can't continue to
progress, or not knowing what their future direction
is. Isn't it easy for us to say, "don't you
think its time you get your acts straight?",
"Can't you even handle that? What is the big
deal? Look at John, he doesn't have any problems",
"you are a man, aren't you?"
Instead, as a father, we encourage
them by saying, "Yes, its difficult, but I am
sure you can make it.", "don't give up,
give it another try", "you miss it by just
3 points, next time you will make it."
III. Father
as a comforter.
For both the children and adult
alike, we live in a very difficult world. So often I
find myself saying, boy, am I glad I grew up in the
60's. Back then; life was so much simpler. Nowadays,
our children not only have to resist those specific
temptations such as: drugs, sex and other immoral
behaviors. They also have to counter a set of value
systems that are so different from the parents and
their Christian upbringing. Then some times half of
their friends come from single families or have
changed their last names several times. Living in
such condition, sometimes its indeed difficult to
know what is right and wrong. How can it be so wrong
when everyone else is doing it?
When they are confused, or when
they falter and fail, when they are hurt, where do
they turn to? Do they come to us or they are afraid
that we may get mad and lecture them? Again, we ask,
how does God comfort us when we fail, when we are
hurt and broken? Isaiah 42:3 A bruised reed he will
not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff
out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice".
This is how he comfort us. When we are in deep waters,
he tells us: Isaiah 43:2-4, "When you pass
through the waters, I will be with you; and when you
pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be
burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am
the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your
Savior; ............Since you are precious and
honored in my sight, and because I love you..........
When we worry about future, Jesus said, John 14:1-2,
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in
God; trust also in me."
One of the difficulties we fathers
face is when our children are hurt or discouraged, we
tend to look at their situation through our adult
eyes. So even though our intention is to encourage
and comfort, our words came out as harsh, judgmental
and insensitive. "How could you have done this?"
So what can we do to sharpen our skill of
encouragement and comfort? A simple suggestion: learn
to see our children's world through their eyes, feel
their pain through their skin. When we do this, we
will begin to be careful about the words we use and
they will feel that we understand what they are going
through. This is how they are encouraged and
comforted.
IV. Father as
an instructor.
We have seen a father as an
encourager and comforter. To what end? In other words,
what is our objective? In my pre-marital counseling
sessions, I often ask the young couple what are some
of their parents' expectation of them? The answer is
quite straight forward: to study well, to study well
so I can go to US for graduate studies, then I should
get a good job and a green card, then settle down,
start a family and live happily ever after.
But what do we learn from Paul? I
urge you to live a life worthy of God's calling. I
want you to live in such a way that will reflect God's
glory, love and perfection. Isn't this what Jesus
taught? You are to be perfect like your heavenly
father. A father's instruction is to help his
children develop characters and life style that
reflects God's glory, love and beauty. His priority
is to help his children become the kind of person God
wants them to be, rather than what they should have
or possess. We don't do too well on this, right?
In January, my professor shared
with me about his teenage daughter. She studied very
hard with very good grades. But one semester he
noticed that she had been neglecting her relationship
with some of her friends. And this was what he told
her, "Next semester I don't want a straight A
report card. I want to see you spend more time with
your friends, to treasure those relationships."
It's unbelievable, isn't it? But this professor knows
what is important in life.
What are you urging your child to
do and to become?
Conclusion:
On this Father's Day, I can't help
but think of the young men in the Sugar Land prison.
Over 90% of them have no idea what a father is like.
Some don't even know who their father is. And
consequently, they do not know how to be a father.
Many of them, after they made the babies, just took
off.
Being a father is not easy.
Remember Jimmy Lee? Since the rude awakening last
December, he started to make changes in his lifestyle.
Two weeks ago, his investment bank acquired another
investment firm. And a different person was named to
be the head. What happened to Lee? Lee agreed to
share the power with the new head. This is very rare
in Wall Street. Why did he do that? So he has the
opportunity to make it to all those parent-teacher
conferences and dance recitals he'd been missing. Two
Thursdays ago, he took his youngest daughter to her
school's art fair-one of his first visits ever to her
school. He still starts his workday before dawn, but
now he tries to get home in time for dinner. He is
still a driven man at work, but now he says, "what
I have to do is funnel some of my drive into my
personal life." He saw the importance of being a
father, and he made changes to fulfill the fatherly
role.
I feel many of us are also driven
men. We do well in our careers and business. We find
ourselves caught in the middle of the family and work
dilemma. But may be what we need to do is to funnel
some of our drive for work back to our families.
You know, when we encourage and
comfort our children who belong to us, instructing
them to live a life reflecting God's beauty and glory,
we are becoming more like our heavenly father. As our
children experience our love and care for them, it
will make them so much more easier to understand and
appreciate God, who is also their heavenly father.
And you know what? When our children feel that they
are important to us, experiencing comfort and
encouragement from us, it will also be so much easier
for them to pick that perfect Father's Day card.
Rev. William
Hsueh June 18, 2000
Houston Chinese Church, Houston, Texas
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