"House Code" in the New Society (2)

Ephesians 5: 25-33

Introduction:        

                Last Sunday we learned that in the 1^st century society, women were demeaned and mistreated. They were viewed as men’s property. Then, with the coming of Jesus Christ, his death and resurrection, a new era was ushered in. He gathered his redeemed children to form a new society, the Church. In his church, a person’s value is no longer dependent on gender or social status. In God's economy, men and women, gentiles and Jews, masters and slaves, the powerless and the powerful are all free, equal and with equal dignity.

                In the context of equality before God, members of this new society are to submit to one another out of their reverence for God. With equality, mutual submission as foundation, Paul also instructed the believers on how to live as husbands and wives, parents and children and masters and slaves. Similar passages are found in the book of Ephesians, Colossians and 1 Peter. They are commonly known as the “house codes”.

                In this new society, in the context of mutual submission and equality, wives are to submit to their husbands, who are the heads, or leaders in a family.

                However, even though the wives are instructed to submit, the biblical emphasis seems to be on the husband. What kind of headship is to be? In vs.25-33, Paul extensively explain to the 1^st century believers what kind of husband they are in God's new society.

                In our reading of this passage, we noticed the repeated emphasis on Christ’s relationship with the church. If we are to understand the husband’s responsibilities in a marriage, we have to understand Christ’s relationship with the church.

                Now, let’s take a closer look at the responsibility of a husband in God's new society.

I.Husbands are to love their wives with a sacrificial love.

                V25, “husbands, love your wife…” Here, the husbands are instructed to love their wives. Certainly, to the husbands of the 1^st century, this is not a problem. Of course they loved their wives. To many of them, love means physical provision. Here Paul gets very specific. He is saying that from now on, it is going to be very different. Living in God's new society, you are to love your wife as Christ loved the church. How does Christ loved the church? V25b, “he loved the church and died for her”. Romans 5:8, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us”, Gal 2:20, “……… I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Christ’s love is the agape love; the self-giving, self-sacrificing love.

This is how the husband is to love his wife. He is to love her with a sacrificial, self-giving and self-denial love.

                Husbands in the 1^st or 21^st century, upon hearing this, probably will respond with a big sigh!! However, not too many of us will be called to give our life to our wives. So what does it mean to us? I have two suggestions:

1. Self-denial.

                To give up my life for my wife implies giving up some of my rights and even needs in order to benefit her. Take finances as an example. We men somehow have the tendency to be very uptight about money. Its like a symbol of authority and control. We get all excited when we see a check missing, or when our wives told us that they had just came back from the mall. When our wives buy something, we immediately think: do you really need it? Can’t you buy something cheaper? But on the other hand, we have no problem buying that extra shirt, coat, stereo or computer system. Or we want to buy this car now. Whatever we buy, we always have good reasons. It’s always out of dire need.

                To love my wife unselfishly, with a self denial love, means there may be times I have to give up something so that my wife can have what she wants.

2.To share our life.

                A wife once said, “My husband is so good. I believe he would even give up his life to save me from harm. He would give his all for me. It’s just that he won’t share his all with me. I mean, he won’t share himself and his life with me. I always feel a sense of distance—-- and it hurts.” Does this sound familiar? I am willing to do this and that for my wife. But to share myself, especially my inner world with her? This is difficult for men. We prefer actions and activities. We prefer sitting in front of the TV. We may even talk to other men or women. But to share with our wives is very different.

                If I am to love my wife sacrificially, I must learn to open my inner world to her. This won’t be easy for us. We can begin by making an effort on a weekly basis to spend time alone with our wives. Listen to her and talk to her. We don’t have to have solutions to her problems. Just listening is all she wants. Its not that hard, is it?

II.Husbands are to love their wives with a sanctifying love.

                In vs. 26-27, “to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” In the previous verse, Paul was talking about Christ’s redeeming love. Here he went one step further.

You see, when God first Adam and Eve, his intent was that they would reflect God's glory, beauty. Then sin entered into the world, and it affected the entire creation. As sin progressed, so was the increasing distortion of God's glory. God's glory was defaced and buried. Jesus’ death and resurrection brought about reconciliation between God and men. And from that point on, the Holy Spirit and God's word began to work in our lives. When we listen and obey his instructions, we become more and more like Jesus Christ. In this process, God is restoring in us his distorted glory. This is also known as sanctification. This is the purpose of our spiritual growth. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we restore God's glory in our broken lives. And when Jesus Christ returns, we will once again fully regain the glory that was in us when we were first created. So we have the reflected glory, distorted glory, restored glory and full glory. The bible here tells us just as Christ restores the glory of his redeemed community, the husbands are to love their wives and to restore God's glory in them.

The best illustration for this is to recall the words of Ezekiel written several hundred years before Paul wrote this letter.

Ezekiel 16:8-14, “……Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign LORD, and you became mine. I bathed you with water and washed the blood from you and put ointments on you. I clothed you with an embroidered dress and put leather sandals on you. I dressed you in fine linen and covered you with costly garments. I adorned you with jewelry: I put bracelets on your arms and a necklace around your neck, and I put a ring on your nose, earrings on your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. So you were adorned with gold and silver; your clothes were of fine linen and costly fabric and embroidered cloth. Your food was fine flour, honey and olive oil. You became very beautiful and rose to be a queen. And your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect, declares the Sovereign LORD.”

                We are all familiar with the saying that behind every successful man is a woman. Certainly, without our wives, many of us would not be where we are today. However, the scriptures also clearly tells us that one of the husbands responsibility, if not the main one, is to help her wife grow so that she can fully express the gifts God has given her and her inner beauty and glory.

                When we criticize or demean our wives, it will make them feel small and they withdraw. It will stunt their growth. On the other hand when we affirm and encourage, it will draw them out and grow into the kind of persons God wants them to be. We are to encourage them to study God's word with other believers, to further enrich herself by taking classes she enjoys.

III. Husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies.

                In vs 28-33, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church, for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Paul quoted genesis 2:24, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh”, but applied it to Christ and his church. He is saying that the believers have become a part of Christ. Just as in marriage, the husband and wife have become a part of each other; they are one. Since no one would hate his own body, therefore the husband is to love his wife as he loves and cares for his body.

                When we were young, we thought our bodies were built of iron, it will never fade away. Medical doctors told us that when we hit 18, our bodies begin to go down hill. At 40, we wear bi-focal, blood pressure may go up and its getting harder and harder to lose that body fat. Then we take vitamins. You see, the older one gets, the more one pays attention to his body. Have you noticed how many vitamins you parents take daily? Movie star Nick Nolte is 60 years old. Every day he works out and takes 60 tablets of vitamins, antioxidants and various kinds of supplement. He monitors his blood pressure, studies his own blood cells religiously. He wants to regain his youth; he wants to live on and on. He surely loves his body.

When I love myself, I will be more aware of my physical, spiritual and emotional needs. When I don’t feel right in any of these areas, I’ll do something about it. I will go see a doctor about my physical health, a minister or someone more mature than I about my spiritual or emotional health.

God's words tell us that we are to love our wives as we love our bodies. Meaning that I am to be aware of her physical, emotional and spiritual needs. In Willard Harley’s book, “His Needs, Her Needs”, he mentioned five: Affection, Conversation, Honesty and openness, Financial support and Family commitment. When I love my wife as I love myself, then I will do my best to meet such needs. To give her the affection she needs. I will take time and talk to her; to be open with her about my feelings and thoughts; and making her feel secure in the home environment.

                As the husband loves the wives with that sacrificial love, the wives are also reminded to respect their husbands. Respect means to see him as important and valuable. To respect our husbands means to affirm him for who he is, to compliment him on his job. Telling him that you are proud of him in his profession and accomplishment.

Conclusion:

                Last week I was leading a discussion on purposes of marriage in a fellowship. I asked the group what were some of the purposes they had when they first got married. One said that he wanted to have a warm place to go back to after work. Another shared, “it would be nice when you come home from a day’s hard work and say, ‘give me a glass of beer’!” But “Did it turn out that way?”

                When we first married, we are quite self-centered, isn’t it? There will be someone to take care of the children and me. Someone will be there to comfort and encourage me when the going gets rough. Certainly this is true and important.

                However, if our understanding of the scripture is correct, in God's new society, the husband, being the leader of the family has the responsibility to love his wife as Christ loves the church. It is a self sacrificial love. A love that will help and draw out God's glory in his wife. And to this husband, the scripture’s instruction is that the wife is to submit to him.

                As one husband to another, I know how difficult it is to love our wives with that sacrificial and sanctifying love. There are some simple suggestions that would help us:

1.           Our relationship with God is of foremost importance. If I am not interested in restoring God's glory in my life, how can I be expected to show any interest in helping my wife to bring out the glory within her?

2.           Remember, we are not Christ. There is only one Jesus Christ, and its not me. We cannot change our wives, only God can. We are God's agents of change.

3.           Certainly there will be times, many times when we feel inadequate. No matter how much we have tried, we still are not doing it right or our wife is simply not responding. In moments like this, we learn to come to God's mercy seat, to seek his help. Telling him how inadequate and helpless we are, how much we need him and are dependent upon him.

4.           Finally, it is a big task to be a husband. But also what a tremendous responsibility and privilege in that God has invited me to come along and help my wife to restore God's glory in her life. Think upon this.

Rev. William Hsueh   Jun.10, 2001    Houston Chinese Church,  Houston, Texas