Every year this time the Houston Chinese Community will announce
its model fathers. Every year I wondered how come my children never
nominated me. Well, on the other hand if they nominated me and I don't
get elected, it will be more embarrassing, right.
Nowadays, its hard to find a model father. Everywhere we turn, we
read about negligent fathers. Movies and TV shows are constantly making
fun of fathers. Not to mention the wives whenever they gather, they
complain about their husbands. To top it off, when we come to church
on Father's Day, we can be certain we'll be lectured by whoever is
preaching; on how bad we are and therefore how we need to repent and
be a good father.
Several years ago I asked my two older sons, that if I am to start
all over again as a father, what are some of the things they think
I should do differently. Obviously their reply humbled me.
Since I am neither a perfect nor a model father, I feel may be it
is necessary for us together to turn to our heavenly father. We want
to review what our heavenly father is like. Instead of using our experience
with our earthly fathers as a reference point to conclude what the
heavenly father is like, we are to shift our paradigm to God and see
once again, what kind of a father he is.
Since I am not model father, instead of preaching at you, this is
a father to father talk, and the rest of you can just listen in.
I. A father expresses his love in words.
In my pre-marital sessions, I usually ask this question: "how does
your father express his affection/love to you." Most of the responses
are, "never in words, but through his hard work and buying things
for me." As I look back, I feel when my father squeezes my arm or
patted on my shoulder, it was his way of expressing his love and approval
of me. How about you? How do you express your love to your children?
Let's turn to our heavenly father. Right after Jesus' baptism by
John, in Matthew 3:17 we read, And a voice from heaven said, 'This
is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.'" And then in
John 17:24, Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where
I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you
loved me before the creation of the world." Here we see that God publicly
and verbally expressed his love for his son, Jesus Christ. And also
Jesus public recognition that he is loved by God, the heavenly father.
And then in the OT we see so many passages where God expressed his
love for the Israelites in spoken words.
This is what we need to learn from our heavenly father. In words
our children can understand, telling them that we love them. Our children
need to hear from us that we love them. There was a congressman, a
very macho man. He was typical in the sense that he didn't verbalize
his love for his children. He felt convicted that he need to change.
So one thanksgiving season when all the grown up children were home
with their families; he had them stand in line. And then he would
go to each of them, with his hands on their shoulders and said, "I
love you." It was certainly the shock of their life.
We need to learn to be generous with saying, "I love you" to our
children. You can also put it down in writing and send to them, telling
them how much you love them.
II. Father expresses his love in action.
In John 3:16, For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten
son……". Romans 5:8, God demonstrates his own love for us in this:
while we were still sinners, he Christ Jesus died for us." God's love
for us is not just words, but also through actions, sending his son
into the world to die for us. the Israelites knew very well, God's
love and mercy for them was shown in his delivering them from slavery
and enemies. Let's see how this love is further expressed in actions.
1. Love provides.
Matthew 6:31-33, So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or
'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run
after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need
them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these
things will be given to you as well." 1 Pet 5:7, Cast all your anxiety
on him because he cares for you." Philippians 4:19, And my God will
meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."
Eph 3:20, Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all
we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us…"
Our heavenly father knows our needs for he cares for us. He will
take care of and provide for our needs and do it in such a way that
is beyond our imagination. A father loves his children by providing
for their physical needs.
There are also the emotional spiritual needs. When we express our
love to our children, it provides them with a sense of security, knowing
that they are loved by the most important man in their lives.
We also need to provide and care for them spiritually. We are to
feed them with spiritual food, God's word. Tell them about God's love,
power and holiness. Help them to develop a biblical worldview. Provide
them with a home environment where God's love and grace are experienced.
Bring them to church so they can have positive peer influence to counter
those they face at school and the society.
2. Love protects.
Psa 121:6, the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm- he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."
Keep you from harm. But there are also times, in his sovereignty,
he allows harm to come to us either because of our doings or others
irresponsible behavior. However, there is more about this protection.
Matthew 6:13 (, "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from
the evil one." 2 Thess 3:3,But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen
and protect you from the evil one." He protects us not only from physical
harm, but also spiritual harm.
I think many of us fathers do well in protecting our children. We
buy the best and the safest car seat when they are young. We want
to live in a safe neighborhood. But what are we doing to protect them
spiritually? We can think of the attacks coming from the WWW where
pornography and unhealthy music and jokes are just one click away.
Public libraries cannot not protect our children because of the law
of the land. At schools they are taught value free morals. Whenever
they turn on the TV, they will see this commercial: There is something
money can't buy, but everything else you can buy with MC. Can you
imagine growing up in this environment? With that credit card, we
can do anything we want, almost.
To protect our children means to explain to them that pornography
degrades people, making them into an object, without dignity. We are
to explain to them, without the presence of God, there is no ground
for any morality. We should caution and teach them even though you
can buy most things with your credit card, that doesn't mean you have
to use the cards. We can teach them from youth, don't be a slave to
our credit cards. To younger children, we want to install a good filter
in our computer so questionable materials cannot come in. Of course,
that means in order to protect my children, I need to catch up with
some of the more recent computer technology.
3. Love disciplines.
Hebrews 12:6-7, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and
he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." Endure hardship as discipline;
God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his
father?" This is a simple statement that God disciplines those he
loves. What is God's goal for each of his children? His desire is
that we are to become Christ like. What happens when we go astray?
He disciplines us. Why? Not because he is angry, but because he loves
us, he wants us to be like him, to reflect his beauty and glory in
a broken world. How? Sometimes through hardships and consequences
of our behavior.
When I don't have self control, I can be impatient while I am driving.
Driving 55 mph on the open free way? You must be kidding. So, I speed
up a little. And usually, there is a special cop assigned by someone
just for this purpose. So I get the ticket and pay the fine. This
consequence will teach me to be more patient and self-controlled next
time. I lied to IRS but the computer found me out. I paid the penalty.
God uses the consequences of telling a lie to discipline me to be
a more honest person. he disciplines me because he loves me.
How about us? do we discipline our children? Or more important, what
do we want our children to become when they grow up? As a father,
yes I want my children to do well at school and career. But I am also
more and more convinced that who they are is more important than what
they do. Yes, I still need to monitor their study, to make sure they
are fully using the gifts and talents that God has given them. Of
course, some children will not fully use that potential until they
start working.
However, it is also very important for me to take note of their character.
Are they helping others? Do they have a big heart for others? We're
to guide them and more importantly, be an example to them.
Discipline is not punishment. When we discipline our children, sometimes
it involves taking away their privileges of watching TV or playing
with friends. It may also include taking away their driving privilege
for several days or weeks. The goal of discipline is not to vent out
my anger, but for their good. Conclusion:
Being a father is not easy. I don't think any of us have gone through
fatherhood 101 before the first child arrived. And so often I hear
people say, sometimes including myself, "my father never does that
to me, therefore how would I know what to do." And moreover, we use
our earthly father as a reference point to understand the heavenly
father.
If my earthly father gives me whatever I want, then I expect my heavenly
father to do the same. If my earthly father is always harsh and unkind
to me, then the heavenly father must also be like a tyrant. We define
our heavenly father by our experience with our earthly father.
This morning, it is my prayer and desire to shift our paradigm. We
are to have God, our heavenly father as our reference point, showing
us how to be and act as an earthly father.
