During this past week, many of us have been on an emotional coaster.
There were the joyful news of the new born girls to the Lai and Hysung
families. It was supposed to be a Father's Day celebration. Then out
of nowhere, as if it were our version of 911, we were all stunned
by the events that happened last Sunday. With a congregation of this
size, even though we are a big family, I understand we have different
views on the issue and how it was handled. There is one thing I feel
we have in common: strong emotions. So this morning, I would like
to explore with you this issue of emotions.
I. The source of our emotions.
Genesis 4:4-5, "But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn
of his flock. The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering,
5 but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain
was very angry, and his face was downcast." Here we notice Cain's
emotions of anger, and depression.
Habakkuk 3:16, "I heard and my heart pounded, my lips quivered at
the sound; decay crept into my bones, and my legs trembled…" Here
is the emotion of fear and shock.
2 Corinthians 6:10, "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making
many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything…..." Paul
is talking about his emotions of joy, and sorrow. In a different translation,
it was grief and mourning.
1 Thessalonians 4:13, "Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant
about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who
have no hope…" Paul is talking about grieving. Yes, Christians grieve
too, but in the midst of grief, there is hope.
These are the emotions we face in our daily living: Fear, sorrow,
grief, depression, fear and shock. We are emotional beings.
We understand that God created us in his own image, in his own likeness.
We certainly don't have the infinite power and wisdom like God, for
we are creatures. However, we do posses those what we call the commutable
characters, such as: love, rational, moral, creativity and emotions.
This is why he is called a personal God, meaning he is "like" men
in these areas. From the scriptures we see God's emotions of joy and
sorrow. We too have such emotions. However, because of the fall, some
of our emotions can be ugly and harmful. We need to recognize the
validity of our emotional needs.
This past week we have all experienced some form of grief. Someone
who was with us, is no longer here. There is a loss in this family.
We each grieve differently, yet in the diversity of our grief, we
have some common emotions.
II. Shock and Disbelief.
Certainly when we first become aware of the situation, it must be
a shock or a huge surprise. We have heard words such as: It can't
be true. This must be a big misunderstanding. I have known the person
for so many years, this could not have happened. This must be a trap
by his enemies. How do I know it is not church politics? For many
days when I woke up in the morning, I wished it was just a nightmare.
Even though such reactions are not pleasant, yet we need to recognize
them as normal. Its OK to feel this way.
Shall we turn to: Psalm 77:1-3, "I cried out to God for help; I cried
out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be
comforted. I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my
spirit grew faint." As if the psalmist is saying, "leave me alone,
this can't be true, don't even try to comfort me."
Psalm 55:12; "If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if
a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But
it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with
whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng
at the house of God." If it is my enemy that was insulting me, or
caused all this troubles, I could understand. But it was you, my close
friend whom I once had sweet fellowship. How could this have happened?
No, this couldn't be true.
It's ok to feel like this. This is a natural part of grief. The scriptures
mention and accept such emotions of shock and disbelief.
III. Anger
This initial shock and denial can last from a few minutes to several
hours or even days. When we move out of shock and denial, a stronger
emotion, anger, will begin to surface. In situations where a great
loss is experienced, when something precious is taken from us, we
have a tendency to blame someone. We are very critical of everything
and everyone who is related to the loss. We want to understand exactly
why this thing happened, and who is to blame.
This is a difficult emotion to deal with. It can be directed to different
people in different ways. Sometimes it is expressed via words, criticism,
cynicism, or inner resentment. Often, the anger can also be expressed
through tears. Tears have that cleansing power, to cleanse us of some
of those inner angers.
Our anger can be directed to God. How come you allowed this to happen?
How come you did not stop it earlier? Why? Yes, God sits in the heaven,
but does not do anything. What kind of God are you? One individual
said, I want nothing to do with this God.
In a physical death, we direct our anger to the doctor. He doesn't
know what he is doing.
We may direct the anger at the particular person. We are angry because
we feel let down. Some are angry because of feeling betrayed. How
could you have done something like this.
Our anger can be directed to the church leaders. How come you are
so insensitive as not to see this coming? How could you be so unreasonable
in the way you handled this matter?
We may also direct our anger to the pastors. You see, I told you
so, you can't trust any of those clergies, they are all the same.
Look at the Catholics priests. The ministers are all the same. I don't
want to get close to them. I don't know if any of them has any credibility
any more.
These are all angry feelings. They are very unpleasant. Did the Bible
say, you are not supposed to have these feelings? No. Psalm 55:20,
"My companion attacks his friends; he violates his covenant." These
are strong emotional angry words. Job 7:11, "'Therefore I will not
keep silent; I will speak out in the anguish of my spirit, I will
complain in the bitterness of my soul." Job was talking about his
strong emotions. He was angry about why all those calamities fell
upon him.
Psalm 142:1-6, "I cry aloud to the LORD; I lift up my voice to the
LORD for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell
my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know
my way. In the path where I walk men have hidden a snare for me. 4
Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge;
no one cares for my life. I cry to you, O LORD; I say, ''You are my
refuge, my portion in the land of the living." Listen to my cry, for
I am in desperate need; rescue me from those who pursue me, for they
are too strong for me." It is clear from these passages that we can
express our angry feeling. We can tell God about our complaints and
anger. He listens.
Yes, we are angry, but we also need be careful how this anger is
being expressed. Scripture tells us, "Be angry but do not sin." (Eph
4:26). When we are angry, remember not to use words or behaviors that
can harm others. When our anger turns into attack aiming at certain
individual or groups of people, then it is wrong. You can tell your
angry feelings to a close friend, someone who understand you and will
not take it personally. You can tell God how angry you feel. He understands
you. With God's help we can overcome it. We are to watch out not to
stay in it for too long a period, then it would become unhealthy.
Do not let anger and bitterness take root in us.
IV. Depression.
Another stage in grief is depression. We are to be aware that no
two persons will feel the same and respond to loss in the same manner.
However, depression is to be expected following any significant loss.
Depression is like a dark day when the clouds have blackened out
the sun. People would say, "the sun is not shining today." We know
the sun is shinning, but it appears as if it is not. Depression is
also like flying on a cloudy day. As the plane takes off and climbs
up through layers of dark clouds. Then at about 28K feet, the sun
shines through. It is so beautiful and bright outside. But people
beneath the clouds can not see it. This is what depression is like.
Something has come between God and men, between men and others, and
we can't seem to be able to breakthrough. In such moments we often
ask, does God really care for us, this church? Is there a God? If
so, where is he? He sits in heaven, but is doing nothing.
When we are depressed, we're to remember that this will not last
long. It will come to pass. We will come through the dark clouds and
see the sunshine. Dark days will move away, it will not last forever.
In these dark days, we come to God, to be reminded of his love and
care. We read Psalm 23, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul……" Psalm 29:11, "The Lord sits enthroned over
the flood, the Lord is enthroned as King forever." Or the words in
this hymn that I have come to love in recent weeks, "Behind a frowning
providence he hides a smiling face." IV. Guilty feelings.
In times like this, it is also natural for us to feel guilty individually
or as a church family. If only we have prayed more, then this would
not have happened. If only I am more courageous in speaking out then
this could have been dealt with quietly. If only the council could
have spoken out, then this may have been averted. The more we care
for this person, the guiltier we may feel. Certainly hindsight is
always 20/20. Yet we also need to remember that each person is ultimately
responsible for his/her behavior.
V. Physical symptoms.
Besides these emotions, when we are under stress, when we grieve,
there are also different physical symptoms. Such as high or low blood
pressure, loss of sleep, inability to concentrate, headaches, irregular
heartbeats, fatigue, feeling of being overwhelmed, change in appetites,
rashes and stomach problems…. We are to remind each other in moments
like this, we need to take good care of our bodies.
VI. Hope.
Then lastly, as we go through this grief process of shock, anger
and depression, then there is also hope. 1 Thess 4:13, "……" this means
that yes, we grieve, but we also have hope. We know that this will
not last forever. We may never know all the details surrounding this
situation, its OK. Behind every frowning providence is his smiling
place. There are so many things we don't know how to explain to others.
Don't worry, let God be his own interpreter. We know that as a body
of Christ, having gone through such a dramatic experience, we'll come
out stronger and better.
As God's family, we want to identify what we can learn from the incident,
so by the help of God, we know how to prevent this from happening
again. By God's grace, we know how important that even for pastors,
we are to be accountable to the church. Conclusion:
This is a difficult time to be in for all of us. I understand that
we each respond to the situation differently. It is ok, for each one
of us is uniquely created by God. As you are working through your
feelings, I have some suggestions:
1. Find one or two close friends to share what is bothering you.
We don't need to have all the answers. Let God be his own interpreter.
He doesn't need us to defend himself. He knows how. We learn to listen
to one another without passing judgment on anyone. Always remember
to pray together.
2. Understand our own sinfulness and that we are not above anyone.
We need to be dependent on the Holy Spirit to stand firm when facing
temptations. We are to ask God to draw us close to him.
3. Don't forget that our Lord Jesus Christ fully understand us.
He too had experienced the emotions of grief, anger, betrayal and
separation. For this reason the author of the book of Hebrews writes,
"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with
our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we
are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the
throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help
in time of need." (Hebrews 4:15,16)
Therefore, dear brothers and sisters in Christ, in times like this,
let us come to his throne of grace, to seek comfort and strength.
