1 Thessalonians 2:1-12
As we follow and become more like Jesus, we
also experience freedom to become a true man.
On this father's day, instead of speaking to the fathers, I would like to share a few thoughts with the men among us. My topic is: A true man. You see, in order to become an effective father, we first need to know who we are as men.
This morning I am speaking to you not because I know all that there is to know about men, and then an authority on this topic. Rather, we are here, learning together to discover God’s design for the male species of human kind.
In Norman Wright's book, "Understanding the man in your life", is this paragraph: "I am a man. I am now a middle-aged man. In many ways, I am not sure that I am typical of other men, and in other ways I am typical (I hope). I am different than I was twenty years ago and I will be different twenty years from now. In the dictionary, Webster defines me as, 'A human being; an adult male human; a bipedal primate mammal, that is anatomically related to the great apes; the quality or state of being manly.' I hope I am more than that." So what is man?
We are expected to work and study hard. But when we do so, our family and friends complain that we are neglecting them. Sometimes we are expected to be tough and unemotional in the highly competitive work place. We are told that you must not let your emotions and feelings get into your decision makings. At other times, when we relate to the women in our lives: girlfriends and wives, we are expected to be sensitive, therefore knowing and understanding their expressed and unexpressed emotions. But if we are always sensitive and freely expressing our feelings, we are labeled as being effeminate, needing to be more controlled and disciplined. Its confusing isn't it?
This morning I want to use Paul's letter to the Thessalonians to help us better understand who we are. “1 Thess 2:1-12” In this chapter, Paul was explaining to the Thessalonica Christians what he, Silas, and Timothy did when they were there some time ago, and how they carried out their ministry. These words provide us with some valuable insights about what it is like to be a man.
In v9, “Surely you remember, brothers, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you…” Paul was recalling how hard they worked. Besides ministering to the Christians there, they had to work to support themselves financially. We certainly identify with their hardworking. Many of us work or study 10 hours a day. To some, we hardly get a break during the weekends.
Have we ever paused and wondered: what is all this for? Certainly, that degree, certification, promotion, bigger salary are all important. But what will we do after we accomplish all that? What is our purpose in life? Is there one principle that guides what we are doing?
Let’s listen to Paul, v4, "We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts." In another passage, he wrote, Gal 1:10, “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or God? Or am I trying to please men?” The one overarching principle in Paul’s life is to please God, to do God’s will. Does this sound familiar?
This is the controlling principle we are to develop in life. I am not to be driven by success or accomplishment. The motivation force within me is a burning desire to do God’s will. In any capacity, I must ask, “is this God’s will? Is what I am doing pleasing to God?”
In my reading about D-Day, General Ike was repeatedly described as a father to the young soldiers. We hear of individuals saying how so and so is like a father to them. But have you ever heard a man describing himself as a mother? One may say how aunt Mary is like a mother to him. But a man like a mother? Its hard to comprehend, isn't it? This is exactly how Paul described his relationship with the Thessalonians. V7,"..we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children." This is a picture of tenderness. Look at the way a mother carries a crying child in her arms. Or the way she feeds and cleans her baby, reading to the child. Mother's pain with tears coming down when her child is badly hurt. This is tenderness. Paul described himself as gentle and caring like a mother. He was tender-hearted.
A tender man? Its almost an oxymoron. Aren't we supposed to be manly and macho? Decisive and determined? Cool and Stoic? But Tender?
The Kiga tribe in East Africa gives God the name of Biheko which means “a God who carries everyone on his back.” To portray Behiko, one of their artists made a wooden carving portraying a man who caries on his back a child with an adult face and in his arm a weaker child. This carving is a symbol of the God who takes care of human being with the tender care of a mother. In Isaiah 46:3-4, “Hearken to me, O house of Jacob, all the remnant of the house of Israel, who have been born by me from your birth, carried from the womb; even to your old age I am he, and gray hairs I will carry you.” And then in Isaiah 25:8, he “will wipe away tears from all faces.” Rev 21:4, “he will wipe every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain.” What do we see here? God is like a mother to his children. God is tender.
Isn't it true that deep within us, is a touch of tenderness? When I see a father holding and looking at a new born infant, there is tenderness. When Sean was in the hospital several years ago, there was a father staying with his sick child in the room. How he helped his son with his drink, and helping him to go to the bathroom. How he comforted him when the morphine wore out. I saw this father's tenderness. There is tenderness when I saw a father putting his hand around his adult son's waist at a burial service.
You see, in each of us men, is a tender or motherly spot. Very often because of others' stereotypes and expectations, we suppress it.
May I encourage us to feel free to express such tenderness. When we see others hurting, we don't have to come up with a solution to fix their pain. But by being there, holding the person's hand, without saying a word, can mean much to the other person. We can be gentle and tender in our attitude towards those who are difficult or different from us.
Equally important is for us to continue to experience God’s tenderness towards us. When we are sad, disappointed or disillusioned about work and life, bring it to God. Allow him to wipe away our tears, and heal our wounds. You see, the more we experience God’s tenderness, the easier it will be for us to be tender to others like a mother.
In this passage, Paul also gives us some insight about fatherhood. V11,12,"...we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory." Here Paul described himself as a Father. What is a father like?
First, he pays personal attention to each one of his children. He treats each child differently, because each is different and unique in his intelligence and personality. This is also the model for human relationships. We learn to appreciate and respect each person’s uniqueness. Each person is very precious and with dignity. They are not to be used for our personal gain, not even in the context of church ministry. We learn how to relate to different people, communicating with them in the way they understand.
Secondly, a father also encourages, comforts and urges his children. The focus here seems to be on the educational role of the father.
A father is seen as someone who comforts his child when he/she is hurt, disappointed or failed. Encourages when the child is discouraged about study or work. When the child lacks motivation or confused, he reminds and urges him to hang in there, to move on. And what is the objective of his comfort, encouragement and urging? What is the purpose of his teaching? What is the value he passes on to his children? That they will live a life worthy of God. Their life goal is to please God.
In premarital counseling sessions, I often ask young couples to share what are some of their fathers’ expectation of them. Many would say, "my father wants me to be a successful teacher, businessman, doctor or engineer. His desire for me is to have a good job and a good family.”
Many of us fathers have little problem encouraging, comforting and urging our children in their professional direction. We want to help them get straight A's, become lawyers, doctors or engineers. But what is the value that we pass on to them? Here Paul provides us with a good example. Yes its important that our children do well in their career and family. But what is even more important is to encourage them to live lives pleasing to God.
V8,"We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us." Look at these emotions: we loved you so much, you have become so dear to us. We see the portrait of a loving man. How does a loving man show his love?
First, "...we were delighted to share with you...our lives as well." A loving man is willing to open his life to others. He no longer remains at the center of his own life. He permits someone else to enter into it. He is willing to share with others some of his personal feelings of hurt and joy. He is able to be vulnerable in front of others. He is a transparent person.
In the family context, a loving man encourages his wife to develop the gifts which God has given her. So she can honor God and be a blessing to the family, society and the Christian community. A loving man is one who creates an atmosphere of shelter where the family can breathe deeply and be at rest. There is no fear. He does not bully his wife or children, nor wound their dignity. A loving man finds it more important that his family members are happy than that he is happy.
And secondly, when we love someone, we also want to share the gospel message with them. Please note the order. We love, therefore we share the gospel, and our lives. Not because we want to tell you about the gospel, therefore we love you. No, love is the motivating force behind evangelism.
How can one be a loving man? He must first experience being loved by God. A loving man is a loved man, loved by the one who is love. We do not love out of our strength. We love, because he first loved us.
We have seen some of the attitudes and emotions of a man. Last but not least, let’s take a look at his conduct, behavior. V10,"...of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed." In this passage, there is no need to distinguish too clearly the meaning of these three adjectives. In general, ‘holy’ refers to being devout, pious, pleasing to God. ‘Righteous’ refers to our dealings with our neighbor, and ‘blameless’ to our public reputation. Paul is saying, look at my conduct, whether they are before God or man, in public or private, it is blameless. There is oneness in his public and private life. He is a man of integrity.
We men face a dangerous trend at this moment in our society. Since the last presidential election, there is a strong movement to separate our private life from our public responsibilities. Our lives are neatly divided into different compartments: my work, my family and my personal life. There is no cross over. When Governor Fordice was asked by a reporter about his vacation with a woman not his wife, his response is: not your business.
But God has a different standard for us. To be a man of God, he expects consistency in our private and public life. The questions I constantly put to myself is: “Does Cynthia and my children believe in what I preach on Sundays? What am I like when I leave the church on Sunday afternoon. If I am serious about this, then in everything I do, my objective is to please God. You see, having the right purpose and objective will ultimately affect how we live.
In this passage, inspired by the HS, written almost 2000 years ago, we see in Paul some of the characteristics of a man. A true man is one with that burning desire to do God’s will and to please him in all he does. He is tender like a mother, instructing and caring for others like a father. He is a loving man and a man of integrity. As we listen to them, we begin to see how they are all pointing to Jesus Christ.
He was the one who said, Jn 4:34, “My food is to do the will of him who sent me……” While he was in the garden of Gethsemane, struggling over the imminent suffering and death, he prayed, Mt 26:39, “My father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” The one guiding principle in Jesus’ life is to do God’s will, to please God.
He was the one that saw people as sheep without a shepherd, and his heart was filled with compassion. He cried out, "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, .... how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing." He was like the mother hen, wanting to gather and protect the chicks. He taught his disciples, comforted and encouraged them like a father would to his children. He loved us so much, he came into the world and became one of us. He not only brought us the gospel message, but he also shared his life with us. He lived his life in such a way that when under strict Roman scrutiny, Pilot could not find any fault in him. He was a man of integrity.
You see, to be a true man, is to imitate Jesus Christ. Not with our own strength, but with the help of the Holy Spirit. The more we are like Christ, the more we become the man god wants us to be.
Sunday June 20th, 1999, Rev. William Hsueh, Houston Chinese Church, Houston, Texas.