Date:   02/13/2011

Text:   Luke 2:40,52; Ephesians 6:4

Title:   Extreme Parent

Theme: Since the scripture has given us a glimpse of Jesus' growth, as followers of Jesus Christ, parents are to strive to help our children grow in the way Jesus grew.

Introduction:

  Wherever you turn; TV talk shows, newspaper, magazines, websites in China and here, we hear and read about Chinese mothers being the best. As you know by now, it all came about because of the book by Amy Chua, “The Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother”. She wrote about how she was raised and how she raised her two daughters. She wrote of stories of never accepting a grade lower than an A. Her father once called her, and she had also called one of her daughters ‘garbage” after a disrespectful behavior..

  I like Nancy Gibbs' summary in the Time magazine. In the West, parenting is like a helicopter. We parents circle overhead and are obsessed with the fear of failure, and do our best to prevent it from happening. Choppers view them as precious, to be raised under glass. When there is a bad grade, the blame will be on the teachers. The Scandinavians are Curling parents, frantically rushing ahead of their children, sweeping their paths clear of the tiniest obstacles. The Tiger parents are obsessed with success, and therefore operate in a sphere of discipline. Tigers view children as tough, able to take abuse. A bad grade is certainly the child's fault. At the center of such discussions is the question; what do you want your child to become and how? Or we may put it this way: what we want will determine how we get there. The what's and how's of parenting.

  This morning, we want to go to the Bible and see what we can learn from God's words about the what's and how's of Parenting. The last two weeks, we studied that as we are filled with the Holy Spirit, when are under his control, this will affect how the husband loves his wife, how the wife is to submit her husband. And today we'll see that when the spirit is in control, it will also affect our relationship with our children.

I •  As parents, we are to help our children develop a balanced life.

First, we want to take a look at the what of parenting. What are our responsibilities?

  Shall we take a look at the characteristics of Jesus' growth in his childhood? Luke 2:52, “ 52 And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man.”

Some of us may say, no, not Jesus, He is different, we are not Him. He is like the family in that TV show: No Ordinary Family. After a boating accident, members of the Powells' family found themselves with special power. Such as speed in running, knowing what others are thinking. We Often feel Jesus was like that. Yet in Luke's summary remark about Jesus'' childhood, he wrote that Jesus increased in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man. This means that he grew just like other children. He had to learn how to walk. When he was two, he probably can't solve the equation of x=? At four years old, he may not have known that Rome was the capital of the Roman Empire. Jesus was in every way human, except he was without sin. From Luke's simple statement, we notice that Jesus grew in his physical and intellect, his relationship with God SQ, and with men, EQ. He grew in a very balanced manner.

1•  Stature and wisdom.

We'll first take a look at Stature. I think as parents we are doing quite well in this area. Cindy shared with me that one time she was passing out some packaged snack for the kids. The first thing one of them did was to turn the package around and look at the nutritional content. They must have learned this from the parents.

  We Chinese parents also do quite well to make sure our children are growing intellectually. We want to make sure they go to the best schools. And if you go and visit some after school centers, such as Kumon, you'll find the students are predominantly Chinese and Asian Indians. However, there are two equally important areas that we often neglect.

2 •  Relationship with God.

Luke told us that Jesus increased in favor with God… This suggests there is this continual growth in His relationship with God. Yes, Jesus is God incarnate, but He is also totally man. Here are some thoughts to help our children's spiritual growth, or SQ. When they are still young, we need to help our children to develop a Christian worldview, helping them to see the world through God's eyes.

First, this includes instilling in them about the existence of God. Children usually have little problem knowing and believing in the creator God. But as they advance in school, they are taught why there is no God. The world we see came about through evolution. Therefore, as parents, one of our responsibilities is to explain to our children the facts that support the evolution theory. We also point to them what part of the theory are speculations. We also explain to them Genesis one.What are the parts that God has clearly spoken, and what areas He is silent. Therefore there is room for scientific research, discussions and even disagreements.

Secondly, not only is there a God, but He is not silent. He has spoken to us in the Bible. Therefore we can know what is right and what is wrong. Parents are to help their children understand the importance of obeying God in every area of life. I remember one incident in one of our children's life. Cynthia took our son to a grocery store across the street. After they came home, she found out that he had taken some candy from the checkout stand. As parents we could easily say, since we are home already, make sure you don't do it again. Instead, Cynthia took him back to the store, returned the candies and apologized.

Thirdly, the Christian worldview includes that each person is made in God's image, and therefore very precious in God's eyes. We are to treat each person with dignity and respect. However, because of sin, we can also do things that are ugly and displeasing to God. However, having come to know God, with the help of the Holy Spirit, we strive to obey him and become increasingly more like Him.

Forthly, we are to instruct them what is truly important in life. Good grades are important, a job that brings in much money is good. But what God cares most is a person who love Him and the neighbor.

These are some of the values we are to influence our children to possess.

3 •  Our relationship with men.

Luke told us that Jesus increased in his favor with men. This is what I called EQ. The older he gets, the more he was being liked by others. This doesn't happen too often, right? When you are a baby, toddler, you are ????, but it is no longer true as you grow into teenage years. Ask any parents with teenagers. We may scratch our heads and pull our hair, saying, I really don't know what has gotten into him. He/she is no longer lovely anymore, but more like a monster. Certainly, this has to do with the changing hormones and part of adolescence. As our children mature, we are to help them to develop healthy relationships with others. Very often we neglect this aspect of growth. Consequently we have a generation of men and women who excel at work, desperately lacking in people skills. I have a few suggestions:

As children grow, parents need to show and help them with self-control . We are to help them recognize their various emotions and learn how to express them in a proper way, not just lashing out on others. Studies have shown that if children are impulsive, there is the tendency for them to become violent when they are adults.

Another area is that of respecting others. this is what the second part (2 nd table) of the 10 commandments is all about. We are to respect another person's life, reputation, and belongings. I feel this is one area we Chinese are weak in. It's the lack of ??? (civic spirit) ? When we see children in the church drawing on the walls or the new carpet, usually three questions will surface: does he/she do that at home, does he/she do it at school, do the parents teach them that such behavior is wrong? We are to instruct them, be examples, to respect others and what belongs to them. The spirit of the 6 commandments are to be instilled in them. We can certainly spend long hours discussing this issue. But now, we need to move on.

These are some of the values we need to instill in our children, but how?

II.    As parents, we are to help our children grow with tender Love .

  We have briefly looked at the objectives of our children's growth. How? Paul in Ephesians 6:4, “ 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” The words “bring them up” mean nurture, tender love. P arents are to nurture their children like the attention and care they give to their flowers, Orchids, pets, cars, computers, and so on. When I think of the tiger parents, I can't help but wonder, do we love our children the same way we take care of that Grand or Baby Grand piano, that expensive violin and the expensive camera? Let's briefly review the practical aspects of nurture.

1 •  Spending Time with our children.

I have shared this with you a few weeks back. How do kids spell love? TIME. I certainly didn't do well in this area when my older two kids were growing up. When the kids said, “Dad, let's go play pool or Ping-Pong (in those days we had a pool table in our basement, later converted to a Ping-Pong table), I would say, “I am tired” or “I don't feel like doing it now.” I remember the kids would say, “You are always tired.”

Spend time with them, don't wait till you have time. by then they won't need you anymore.

2 •  Knowing our children

When we spend time with our children, we'll get to know them. We are familiar with Proverbs 22:6, “ 6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Many biblical scholars agree that ‘the way he should go' means according to the child's bent. We are to train and instruct them with God's words according to their unique personalities.

Ten years ago I shared the following story with you. In the novel, Giant, is a story about a Texan called Jordan Benedict. He owned a 2 ½ million acre cattle ranch. He was furious because his 3 year old son Jordy disliked horses. When set on one horse, he cried to be taken down. The father was disgusted and said, “I rode before I could walk.” His wife responded, “all right, that was you. This is another person. Maybe he doesn't like horses….” “He is a Benedict,” the father said, “and I'm going to make a horseman out of him if I have to tie him to do it.” “You've been playing God so long you think you run the world.” “ I run the part of it that's mine”. “He's not yours. He's yours and mine. And not even ours. He's himself…..” Does that sound familiar? Because he is a Lee, therefore he must know how to play a musical instrument, or get straight A's. Remember, not all children can get straight A's, be doctors or engineers. When we impose our expectations on our children and are against their personalities, we are provoking them to anger.

Parents, let us spend time to study our children so we can know them well. One of the hardest things the parents can hear from their children is: You don't know me. You didn't even try to understand me.

3 •  No favoritism.

From time to time in counseling sessions I would ask, “Please tell me about your relationship with your father or parents.” “I am the ugly ducking in my family. My older brother or young sister is the pearl of the family.” Some of us remember the story in Genesis, about Rebecca and Isaac. Rebecca loved Jacob over Esau. Jacob was a quiet and stay at home boy. Isaac loved Esau, because Esau was a hunter and would bring his catch home and cooked a nice meal for the father. The parents' favoritism led to a family feud. There was deception and the vow to revenge and kill. The saddest part of this story was that in helping Jacob to escape his brother's wrath, Rebecca was never to see her beloved son again. Favoritism is dangerous and can destroy a child's self-worth.

Don't we sometimes favor the child with better grades or better looks? We may even secretly favor the child who is healthier over the one who is prone to sickness? This is not right. Let us learn from Christ to love each of our children unconditionally.

Certainly this list of how to love our children can go on and on. My purpose is to encourage you to read God's word and the many books that are available to help us to know how to love our children.

Conclusion:

The Tiger parent wants to make sure the children get to their objectives through strict discipline. The helicopter parent wants to make sure that their children would not fail so they could get to their objectives. The Scandinavian curling parents want to make sure that all obstacles are removed so their children can get to their objectives.   

As Christian parents, our foremost responsibility is to help our children grow physically, intellectually, spiritually and relationally.

How? At times we may be like that Tiger Mom, other times we may be like the helicopter or Curling mom. A little bit of each. But at all times, we are to nurture our children with tender love.

However, having said this, we also need to remember even though we have done our best to nurture our children, when they get older, may be in high school or college; they will need to take ownership of this faith. We have seen how some parents are hurt when they see their children turn away from church and God. The following words had always helped me greatly. When the children are young and with us, we do our best to love and instruct them. When they leave home, we continue to love and pray for them, entrusting them into the arms of our heavenly father.