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[Content Here]

Date: 12/10/06

Text: 1 Corinthians 7:25-40

Title: Challenges of Being Single

Theme: Since God sees singlehood as a valid life style, with His help we can truly live a full life as single man and woman.

Introduction:

A single woman told me a recurring episode. She would meet some one and they would get in small talk. She would be asked: So how many children do you have? Answer: I am single. There is a pause. “ Oh, you are so lucky. You just don't know how much trouble children are.”

  Even though almost 50% of the population is single, yet our society is often not very single-friendly. A a single person sometimes, may feel that one doesn't fit too well in this society. When you go to a restaurant, they ask, "Are you by yourself? " When you travel, you will come across a good price. But the fine prints say: double occupancy.

There are times someone may recommend to you a book on being single. It talks about all the great things of singlehood. Shortly after you read it, you find out this author just got married (kind of a let down, right?). At times we feel the church doesn't know what to do with us. We have family life month, family life conference. How about single life month? When there is a retreat, the couples get to stay in motel-like rooms, but the singles are dumped into those dormitory like rooms, with 8 or 10 others. The church put us in a singles' group, and wishes that we live happily ever after. When there is a need in ministry, the church would say, "Let's get the singles involved, because they have all the time in the world." Certainly, during the thanksgiving and Christmas season, the worst feeling is that sense of loneliness.

This morning I'd like to discuss this topic of singlehood with great care and sensitivity. I always remind myself that having been married for so many years, what do I know about being single. I'll do my best to point us to God's word and see what He has to say about singlehood.

  Again, we need to first look at the big picture. At the very beginning of creation, God gave mankind 3 mandates: Social, Cultural and Spiritual. In the social mandate, we are told that human beings are not meant to live alone, we are to live in a community. The most intimate form of this relationship is between husband and wife. Yes, it is God's original intent that a man is to marry a woman and form a family. However, because of human disobedience, this community was distorted and broken. Living alone and being lonely has become a part of human experience. To some, being single is a choice, others a transitional stage, and to many it is forced upon by not meeting the right person, divorce or death or other circumstances. Let's now take a look at what God teaches us on this subject.

I. Singlehood is a good way of life before God. .

In our previous study of 1 Corinthians, we learned that at the time of Paul's writing this letter, the believers in Corinth were undergoing a hard time. They were experiencing persecution and other unspecified difficulties. So they asked Paul about the issue on marriage. In vs.1 of this chapter, Paul responded, “ Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”. In vs.8, “ 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.” And then in vs.26, “think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is.” If you are married, it is good to stay married. If you are not married, it is good that you stay unmarried. Please note that three times Paul said it is good to remain single. Being single is good.

This is quite different from our society, right? We somehow make single people feel they are 2 nd class citizens. We make married life the primary objective in life. When we see and hear enough of the eHarmony commercials, it can certainly make us feel we have missed out the best in life. Even I am tempted to give that a try and see what kind of match I may get!!!

  Listen to this: SAF, age 35, professional, seeks attractive, sensitive SAM/SWM, age 30-40, for marriage. Send letter with photo to 10305 South Main or email to: This certainly give you the impression that the only objective in life is to get married. We certainly understand the need for companionship, the feeling of loneliness is quite terrible. However, having said that, it is good to be reminded that sometimes even in married life, when the relationship is strained or broken, it can be terribly lonely. You see, loneliness is not to be resolved by marriage. If we marry for the sake of removing loneliness, we may be very disappointed.

  We need to remind ourselves that being single is good, is acceptable.

II. Singlehood is a gift from God. .

1 Cor. 7:7, “ 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.” Paul said some had the gift of husband and wife, another had the gift of being single.” To be single is a gift. Some of us will readily admit that we don't have the gift. We often hear people say that best gift I received in 2006, is my wife or husband. Consequently, our prayer for 2007 is that, God please give me a husband or wife, this is the best gift you can give me. Or like a single lady who would hang a man's overall near her bed and prayed that God would fill it with a man of his choice. The real gift we want is a husband or wife. It will be good to know that at this moment, at present, if I am single, this is a gift of God. Later on, God may bring the right person into our lives.

  Elisabeth Elliot says, "What we are is a gift, and, like other gifts, chosen by the giver alone. We were not presented with an array of options." If you are married, this is a gift from God. If you are single, this is also a gift from God. God has not left you to worry over whether the gift of singleness is yours for a lifetime. But He has given you grace to live contentedly today. We're not to fight against God, being bitter toward him. instead we learn to be submissive to him, to his master plan for our lives. If this is a gift, then we'll have to learn to accept it with gratitude.

  At the present, today, to live contentedly means making the best of now. I have seen many singles living in a holding pattern. I'll do this or get that after I am married. We don't have to live like this. If you have the financial ability, buy a house or condo. Decorate your home that reflects your taste and style. You can open your home to others, making it into a place where others can feel your welcome and warmth.

You can explore different career and ministry opportunities. Set your priorities and give your time generously to God's work. You're to continue to enrich your life, such as developing relationships with others, reading books, traveling and learning to enjoy life now.

III.   Singlehood can be fulfilling.

  Singlehood is a good way of life. Being single can be a gift for God. Now, Paul also explain to us how we can be single and at the same time live a fulfilling life.

1. A simpler life-style.

v28,"...those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you (the singles) this. " The word trouble in Greek means pressing together. John Macarthur interprets it as: the pressing together of humanness in a marriage relationship. It refers to the pressing together of husband and wife's human weaknesses. And this inevitably leads to conflicts and problems in marriage. And so Paul says I don't want to see you in those situations.

v32,"I would like you to be free from concern..... "What kind of concern? From the context of this passage, it's apparent that Paul was referring to family relationships: husband and wife, parents and children and among siblings. In times of persecution or hardship, a single person has much less to worry about.

In these few verses is a simple principle; life is simpler when you are single. As a single person, you can go to places you like and not to worry whether your spouse or children like it or not. You can just pick up and go, and live on minimum income for a while without the worry of a hungry family.

2. Availability to God.

But there is another very important reason for being single, or another advantage of singlehood. v32,"..an unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs.. "34,"An unmarried woman is concerned about the Lord's affair... v35,"I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. " Paul's point is quite clear, isn't it? As a single person, you can dedicate more of your devotion to God and his people.

I think of John Stott and JI Packer. Both of them are unmarried. It has often been said that they could not have written so many books and have such world wide influence if they were married. However, there is only one John Stott and one Packer and we are not them. How about this? This past week a single person said that she is taking some individuals in distress to dinner after work. If you are married, you are not that free to do it, right? Or another single person said, “From time to time I would receive phone calls at 11 or 12am just when I was about to go to sleep. They were calls from friends who were in trouble or going through great difficulties. I would then go and meet with them, talking and listening to them. Can you imagine a married person doing this?” Or in a certain church, the singles group would meet at 8am on Sunday morning for a time of Bible study and prayers. Then they would attend the first worship service. After that, they would go and help out with the children's ministry. They would be at church from 7:30 am to 12:30pm. Married couples with children simply cannot do this.

IV. Some additional suggestions.

We have identified some simple principles: singlehood is a valid life-style, just as being married is. Some willingly accept being single, others want to get married no matter what. Being single can free us to live a simpler life. Singlehood provides us with opportunities to offer our undivided attention to God. Now I would like to share with you some practical suggestions.

1.   Positive self-perception.

Several years ago I was preaching in another city. A brother came to pick me up to go to church. When I got in the car, a girl in her 20s was sitting in the back. After a little while I hesitantly asked, "Are you two related?" He laughed and she said, "Oh, no, his wife is much prettier." This says a lot about her, doesn't it? So often the single person looks at himself rather degradingly. No one likes me because I'm not good looking. We see ourselves as defective merchandise, 2nd rate citizen. This is wrong.

On the contrary, we're to look at ourselves from God's perspective. Psalm 139:13-14,"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." We're very precious in God's sight. We can proudly say that we are the Noble singles ( ???? )

2. Watch what you are becoming.

Sometimes we hear people say, when I'm more mature, then God will bring the right person into my life. We look at marriage as a reward for a job well done. This is wrong.

We need to focus on what God wants me to be now. He wants to transform me into his likeness. God works in situations such as being single to help me to trust him and to be joyous in all circumstances. He also uses our roommates, colleagues, friends at church, to sharpen and mold us into becoming more like him.

3. Our walk with the Lord.

In our spiritual walk, it will be good for us to remember that God doesn't guarantee that he will fulfill all our desires, including the desire for a spouse. But he does give us many promises. Such as: He is with us, He understands us, He considers our sorrows, He forgives us, He sustains us, he calms our fears, he guides us, He is completely wise, He loves us abundantly, He is completely trustworthy, He will not fail us. When we lose sight of these truths, we will begin to wallow in self-pity, making ourselves very miserable.

4. Moral purity.

There's one thing I can't stress more in today's society, that is to keep yourself sexually pure. This is the focus in chapter 7. Since I have spoken quite extensively on this subject a few weeks ago, this morning I'll just mention one aspect of this moral purity. Yes, we understand that the sexual drive is a very strong force in life. But it does not have to dominate and control us. Ask God to give you strength to have discipline and control over your desire. Set clear boundaries so you do not get into situations that will lead to sin. Find a close friend that you can talk to about your temptations so that he or she can hold you accountable.

5. Encouraging the single friends.

How can we help and encourage our single friends? Lori Smith, in an article in the recent Discipleship journal, wrote the following: Make time for them, ask them about their work and activities. Be honest about the struggles and joys of married life. Remind them that they are blessed at where God wants them to be. Affirm God's promise to do something good with their lives--- married or not.

  Certainly there are plenty of don'ts. Don't offer to set them up with someone. Don't treat them as if they haven't arrived yet. Don't suggest or imply that they need to do something or become someone else in order to get the blessing of marriage. Don't exclude them from activities because they are single.

Conclusion :

I would like to conclude with excerpts from the book, “The Single Truth” by Lori Smith. She wrote that one time a very dear friend of her asked, “What do you want your life to be like if you don't get married?” This question started her dreaming. I want my life to be full of devotion and service and love----- full of life, not bitterness. Perhaps I'll go to graduate school, do mission work, adopt a child, start a foster home. The possibilities are endless---- and they are all in God's hands.

I, too, want to leave you with this question: What do you want your life to be like if you don't marry?