Date:   10/16/05

Text:   Mark 10:1-12

Title:   The Basics of Marriage

Theme: As followers of Jesus Christ, we are to apply his teaching to all areas of our lives.

Introduction:

  In Monday's Chronicle's business section is a heading with these words, “…Prenuptials can protect you from perils of Splitsville.” It went on to say that since every marriage is a business partnership: making money, budgeting, buying goods and investing for the future. Therefore, prior to the marriage, the couple should first agreed on certain basic issues. Such as: who gets the dog or cat; who gets the house, the children and how about the retirement assets. Marriage was reduced to a business partnership.

  One can not help but think, what is marriage? Is it a part of the evolutionary process that two people somehow decide to live together in order to survive? If things don't work out well, so we each go our own way?

  Marriage is universal. Marital problems and divorce had also been a part of human history. The problems we have today is not unique to our present day society. It was a problem Moses faced in the wilderness. It was a problem in the first century world.

  The question we ask is: how is Marriage regulated? Is there a permanent reference point we can refer to when in doublt?

  In today's passage, we catch a glimpse of the core essence of marriage. No doubt, even as you read this text, you're probably saying, what a demand and maybe even outdated. How can anyone keep it? But wait a minute, isn't this what we learned last Sunday? Jesus wants us to rid the sins in our lives at all cost. It was certainly an extreme demand. Today's teaching is also a part of his high demand from his followers. You see, he is calling men and women to follow him, the son of God, the Messiah, God. For this reason, he has high expectation of his followers in all areas of life.

  First let's take a look at what is at stake here.

I.   As sinful persons, we have the tendency to find reasons to get out of marriage.

  We read in vs. 2 that the Pharisees came and wanted to test him. They wanted to set him up so they could find problems in his teaching and get him into trouble. Vs.2-4, “ 2 And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 He answered them, "“What did Moses command you?”" 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away. 5 And Jesus said to them, “ “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. ” ” In this dialogue, they were referring to Deut 24:1-4, “ “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, 2 and if she goes and becomes another man's wife, 3 and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance. ” In Moses' days, women had no rights, but were treated as men's property. Therefore the men can divorce their wives at will. Here Moses wrote that if you married your wife, and later found some indecency with her, and you could obtain a divorce certificate and send her away. She then married someone, and later either divorced or the second husband died. The first husband had no right to take her back. Moses is writing this law addressing a specific problem. He recognized the fact of rampant divorce, so the law was written to regulate marriage and divorce. However, it was not clear what ‘some indecency' means. It does not appear to be adultery, for this would be punished by death. It must have been some inappropriate behavior short of adultery.

  Because of the lack of clarity on this, to some Jewish teachers, it meant adultery, nothing else. To others, it meant anything. There is the saying, “If there is too much salt in the cooking, divorce her.” The man could divorce his wife for any reason whatsoever. So, the Pharisees came and asked Jesus, when can one legally become divorced. If Jesus came out too loose, then he would offend the Jewish leaders. If he came out too strict, he would offend King Herod who had divorced his wife to marry Herodias. Herodias had also divorced her husband to marry Herod. John the Baptist condemned this marriage and in the end lost his own life.

  Sometimes we are like the Pharisees. We want to find out what the conditions for divorce are. We are more interested in finding a “legitimate way” to get out of the marriage then to find ways to build up the marriage. We ask, what if I lost respect for him, I don't have any feelings for him/her, we've grown apart and are like strangers, I can't stand his controlling behavior, I can't breathe in this relationship, we're not compatible anymore. Like the Pharisees, we want to know when we biblically find our way out of a marriage. How did Jesus respond to this?

II.   As followers of Jesus Christ, we are to understand God's intention for marriage.

  Instead of telling them under what conditions divorce was legal, Jesus explained to them what marriage is. John Stott in one of his books wrote, “When couples came to me and asked me under what conditions divorce was permissible, I always refused to answer this question. I will always first explain to them what marriage is.” so what did Jesus say to the Pharisees about marriage? He quoted Genesis 1:27, 2:24, Mark 10:6-8 “ 6 "But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.'" 7 "‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife," 8 "and they shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh." This is what Jesus says about marriage.

  First, God created man and woman.

  Secondly, marriage is between a man and a woman. They are to leave their parents and form a bond with each other. This bond is more intimate and stronger than any other bonds. It is stronger than the parent-child bond. Yes, for those of us married and with children, we know we have a close bonding with our children. But the scripture tells us that this bond can not be compared with our bond with our spouses. We are to be one, like two pieces of paper glued together.

  Thirdly, this marriage relationship between man and woman was initiated and established by God. God brings the two together.

  Fourthly, there is permanency in the marriage bond. 10:9, “ What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate ” And for this reason, whenever a marriage bond is broken, it is always painful.

  This is God's intention for the marriage. This is what He expects from us from the very beginning of human history. And then in the rest of the scriptures, the Laws, the wisdom literature, the Prophetic books, NT Gospels and Epistles, such as Ephesians, Colossians, 1 st Peter and others, are full of illustrations and instructions on how to actualize God's intent for marriage. Then, especially in the last two decades, there are also numerous books full of helpful insights from gifted counselors helping us to realize God's expectation of marriage.

III.   As followers of Jesus Christ, we're to understand how God sees divorce.

  When the disciples were with Jesus in private, they pursued the Pharisees' question about divorce. Combining the passage here and parallel passages in Matthew 19:9, Jesus'sus'' answer was: if someone divorces his wife, with the exception of marital unfaithfulness, it is adultery. The same principle applied to the woman. It is unheard of in those days to speak about the wife divorcing her husband; for the wife had no such rights. Yet in one sentence, Jesus treated both man and woman equally. It cannot be more blunt than this. I wish there is a softer way, a more user friendly way of saying this. But Mark recorded Jesus'' words as is. Divorce is wrong. Divorce is a sin, it is adultery. In the OT, even in the midst of rampant divorce among the Israelites, Malachi, the prophet wrote, Malachi 2:16, “I (God) hate divorce and violence. ”

  However, Matthew recorded an exception. That is, marital unfaithfulness. God's original intent for marriage is a life long commitment between two persons. This is the foundational principle in marriage. Because of human sinfulness, under certain conditions, such as marital unfaithfulness, divorce is permissible . Later, Paul wrote in Corinthians that divorce is permissible when one spouse insisted on leaving . In both these instances, when the marriage bond is broken by one spouse, divorce then become permissible. When there is physical abuse, when the spouse and children's safety are threatened, then the law of the sanctity of life will take over. And under such circumstances, divorce becomes an option.

  What does this mean to us today?

1•  Jesus has a high demand on marriage. For citizens of God's kingdom, we are to maintain and protect marital purity and oneness at all cost. Marriage is meant for life. Divorce is not part of God's original intent for marriage. It is because of man's sinfulness that divorce was allowed.

2•  Divorce is not the unforgivable sin. The sin of divorce is no greater or smaller than the sin of hatred, bitterness, dishonesty and sexual immorality. All sins are the same. When we tell God how sorry we are for our divorce, he not only forgives us, but he will also heal and make us whole. By the grace of God, with help from mature Christians and counselors, our lives can start over again. We don't have to be bound by our past sins and mistakes, we can live as a free and forgiven person.

3•  We are to be compassionate to those who have experienced divorce. It is not our responsibility to judge but our privilege and responsibility to reach out to those who have suffered from the storm and pain of divorce. We care for the single parents as they struggle financially to maintain a family. The church, including HCC must be a place of shelter, comfort and encouragement for them. They are not second class citizens, but equally precious in God's sight and loved by Him.

4•  For those single and considering marriage, it is important to have a clear understanding of what marriage from God's perspective is. The pastors at HCC, will do our best to help you prepare for your marriage. We are not a testing agency, but to help you have a realistic understanding of you and your fiancé, to assist you to learn how to communicate, love each other in a more meaningful way.

5•  For those who are married, we are to maintain our marriage at all cost. Many of us may not be happy in our marriage. We feel we may have made a mistake in the first place. However, to end the relationship in divorce is not right either. Two wrongs do not make one right. Instead, please seek help from other mature Christians, pastors or professional counselors. Let them help you to forgive, resolve those conflicts and control those angry and unhealthy emotions. They can help you relate to one another in a way that is right, healthy and God honoring. Don't settle for a mediocre marriage. With God's help and our determination, our marriage can be so much more fulfilling and enriching than what we have now.

Conclusion:

  These are certainly high demands from Jesus to his followers. In no uncertain terms, he states that marriage is a life long commitment of two persons. No one can separate them. If there is a divorce, with the stated exceptions, it is a sin. I wish there is a more user friendly way to look at this and other similar passages, but I can find none without compromising the teaching of our lord Jesus Christ. Marriage is not regulated by out society. But for the followers of Jesus Christ, marriage is regulated by the God who initiated and established marriage.

  This high demand on marriage is to be viewed on the same level as Jesus' high demand on us to rid sins in our lives at all cost. He wants us to apply his teachings, his truth to all areas of our life.

  This summer I had the opportunity of speaking at a family camp in Ca. During that weekend I heard many touching stories of healing of broken marriages. One couple said after 10 years of marriage, they felt they had lost the zest and desire for each other. As they were contemplating divorce, they heard about this family camp. Their friends encouraged them to attend. In the camp, they saw how they both had failed the other person and recommitted their lives to God. What amazed me most was that many of the officers of the camp were once themselves at the brink of divorce. But by the power of Jesus Christ, they were reconciled to each other. The Jesus, who walks on water, calms the winds and waves, casting out the demons and healing the sick, is also powerful to put the broken pieces of our lives together and make something whole and beautiful.