Date:
Text: Matthew 5:31-32; 19:3-9; Deuteronomy 24:1-5
Title: Divorce and Remarriage
Theme: Since marriage is a sacred bond, one must not betray it by divorce.
Pastor Hsueh
Introduction:
John
Stott writes that “No unhappiness is so great as the
unhappiness of an unhappy marriage. No tragedy so great as the degeneration of
a marriage.” Many pastors, including myself are reluctant to preach on this
subject of Divorce and Remarriage. We are hesitant to preach because almost one
out of two marriages ends up in divorce. Many of our children’s schoolmates are
from divorced families. People in our society would be asking, what is the big
deal? Another reason why I am hesitant to preach on this subject is that it
will inevitably open up old wounds, bringing back some unhappy memories. It
will also cause some of us to feel guilty, both true and false guilt. This
sermon was meant to be preached on April 6, but because of the war in
This is an important issue in today’s churches. In the American society, polls have shown that the divorce rate within the church is not that much different from those outside the church. It appears that religion is no longer a deterrent to divorce. Something is wrong. To many Christians, following Jesus Christ has come to mean ‘what he can do for me, how he can enrich my life’, instead of what I have to obey and sacrifice for him.
Since last October, the theme in our church is “Living in God's Kingdom”. We want to recapture what it means to follow Christ, to be citizens of God's kingdom. As followers of Jesus Christ, it is important to know what is God's standard and expectation on Divorce and remarriage.
In addition to Matthew 5:31-32, I have also included Matthew 19:3-9, to make this a more complete discussion.
I. We are to understand the Old Testament background on the issue of Divorce and Remarriage.
In the OT, this issue of Divorce and Remarriage is addressed in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. This is an important passage that will help us understand what leads to Jesus' teaching. “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife,…”
The force of this passage is: If a man finds some uncleanness in his wife and divorces her, if he gives her a certificate of divorce, and if she then marries someone else who later also divorces her, or he dies, then her first husband cannot remarry her. Please note that it is full of ‘ifs’. After all the ‘ifs’ are fulfilled, then the husband is instructed not to remarry her. It is not clear what is meant by ‘indecency’.
By Jesus'' time, there were two main school of thoughts regarding Divorce and Remarriage. One was very rigorous: it was lawful to divorce only when there is very grave offense. The other was very liberal. Almost any reason could lead to divorce. For example, if the husband did not like his wife’s cooking, or he got tire of her look, or any other trivial issues. These were grounds for divorce. You see, this is not just an issue about divorce, but also about a woman’s dignity and respect. In those days, women were looked down upon. They didn’t have much value. Their future was in the hands of their husbands. They could be divorced at the capricious whim of their husbands. And after being divorced, they had no choice but to remarry. So Jesus' teaching here is really to protect the women.
With this as a backdrop, in Matthew 19:3, the Pharisees asked, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” In the context of the first century, this question was raised from the husband’s perspective. What were some reasons for the husband to divorce his wife? Or in the 21st century, “What are the legitimate reasons for divorce?”
II. We are to understand that God is actively involved in our Marriage.
Instead of giving the Pharisees a list of reasons for divorce, Jesus' response was in essence something like this: let me first explain to you something. Its like a child, Michelle, goes to a friend’s house. She sees her friend eating peanut butter sandwich and all she has is a jam sandwich. Michelle wants peanut butter too. The mom, instead of saying, “No, you can’t. You are not allowed to eat peanut butter”, starts to explain to her why peanut butter is not good for her. You see, Michelle, since birth has been allergic to peanut butter. If she gets too close to any peanut products, it may start a strong allergic reaction that could kill her.
Instead of telling the Pharisees about lawful causes for divorce, Jesus explains to them some of the first principles of marriage.
1. In the beginning God created man and woman.
Mt.19:4, “…have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female..” Jesus was quoting from Genesis 1.Well, this is the very basic principle in marriage. It starts with God. If God is not in the picture, then divorce and remarriage will not be an issue, right?
Not only God created man and woman, but they were also created in his image. They both are valuable, equal and with dignity. They are God's image bearer.
2. In the beginning, God established the marriage institute.
In 19:5, Jesus then quoted Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (English Standard Version). In this passage we learn that this marriage institute is created by God. For this reason, at the beginning of every wedding, the minister will call the congregation’s attention to the fact that this marriage institute is established, created by God. Therefore, it is a sacred institution.
In marriage, the man is to leave his parents and hold fast or be united to his wife. This is an exclusive relationship between the husband and wife.
Furthermore, the man and woman are to become one flesh. Meaning they are bonded, joined together. So, once they are joined, bonded, they cannot be separated. This is a permanent bonding. It is like using crazy glue to glue two pieces of paper together. You can’t separate them; and if you try, both paper would be torn into pieces. For this reason Jesus says in Mt 19:6, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Therefore,
in this original setting, marriage is meant to be permanent. Divorce is
inconceivable, its not in the picture at all. In Malachi
3. Human sinfulness and Marriage.
As we read on in Genesis, we also learn that man began to move away from God. We have become insensitive to God's standards and expectations. Instead of upholding the permanence of marriage, God's people began to break the marital bonds. In Mt 19:8, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” Because of human sinfulness, Moses allowed the Israelites to divorce their wives. Moses gave them certificates to validate their divorce. Without this certificate, one could not lawfully remarry.
Now, we come back to the question: what are the lawful causes for divorce to be validated and therefore the remarriage will be lawful?
III. We are to understand the sanctity of Marriage.
Since the marriage bond is permanent, so strictly speaking, there is no divorce. In Mt 5:32, “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.”Therefore, if the husband divorces the wife, and she remarries, she then enters into an adulterous relationship, because the original bond is still there. Mt. 19:9, “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Likewise, if the husband, after divorcing the wife and then remarries, he also enters into an adulterous relationship.
Then, at this point, Jesus explained the exception. There is one condition when divorce occurs, and then the parties remarry, is not considered as adultery. This exception is adultery, that is any sexual immorality outside the marriage. If there is sexual immorality, and if either spouse files for divorce, then the divorce is validated. And remarriage will not be considered as sin.
Later, Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians, that if one spouse deserts another, then to the deserted party, this marriage bond is to be considered broken. Then he or she is free to remarry.
In summary, what are the lawful causes for divorce? Adultery and desertion. However, even when there is adultery and desertion, the scripture’s teaching on divorce is not a command, but permission. Even though you have the right to file the divorce, but you don’t necessarily have to divorce your spouse.
How so? Look at prophet Hosea. His wife Gomer repeatedly deserted him. Yet,
God instructs Hosea to go find her and bring her back. This is to symbolize how God loved his children the Israelites. Even though they repeatedly strayed away from God, worshipped other gods, which in essence was adultery, being unfaithful, yet God patiently waited and went after them, bringing them back to his fold. He ultimately sent his son to the world to seek out the lost sinners. He never gave up on his wayward child. Shouldn’t this be our standard? We are to love, just as God has loved us.
IV. The Holy Spirit will help us to apply God's word in our lives.
So what does this mean to us?
First we have to take seriously the Bible’s teaching on divorce. Marriage is meant to be a permanent relationship between the husband and wife. The only exceptions will be adultery and desertion. What are some of our exceptions: I don’t think I love him/her anymore. The spark is not there. I am bored in this relationship. I feel stifled and I need to get out. I find out the other person is much more caring, loving and sensitive than my husband. I am attracted to him/her. After 7, or 12 or 20 years, we are just not compatible anymore. Humanly speaking, we can get a divorce with whatever reason we may have. Yet, God's word is quite clear, isn’t it.
Secondly, loving our spouse is more than a romantic, sentimental feeling. True love means a commitment to the other person. It involves hard work. In a marriage, I am to work hard to seek the good of the other person, and not just be self-centered, expecting my spouse to meet all my needs. In marriage, I am also given the responsibility to nurture my spouse, to protect him/her and to provide shelter. This requires determination and hard work. Sometimes I would say to couples, if you cannot love him as your husband, how about try loving him as your neighbor. If that too is impossible, how about love him as an enemy?
Thirdly, when problems arise in a marriage, seek help. I always tell couples before their marriage that it is never a shame to have problems in marriage. It is a shame when we have problems and refuse to seek help.
Fourthly, how about domestic violence? Domestic violence is around us. This is a problem among the Chinese and we need to face it. When a husband physically abuses his wife, he is breaking the most basic of all laws: the dignity and sanctity of life. Physical abuse if not checked, will only escalate. Several years ago, I saw the pictures of a young wife’s face taken in the police station and hospital. It was after her husband had beaten her. Those images were deeply ingrained in my mind. The doctor told her that next time if you come to this hospital, I would not be talking to you, meaning she would be dead next time. I don’t think it is biblical, pleasing to God, to put oneself in a situation where your life will be in danger.
Fifthly, my heart goes out to those of us who are wronged. Your spouse was sexually involved with someone. Yes, biblically, you have the right to divorce him/her, but you have not exercised your rights. Instead, you have chosen to wait for his/her repentance. You want to give him/her another chance. Your patience and obedient to God's word had been an encouragement to me.
Or your spouse had deserted you, filed a divorce against your will. In this situation, you are free to remarry. However, I have also advised that you may want to wait 1 or 2 years, to see if he/she would turn back and be reconciled.
Lastly, some of us in our ignorance of God's word, or prior to our knowing Christ, have divorced and/or remarried. The divorce was for all the wrong reasons. Now you have confessed your sins to him, you are to remember that he has completely forgiven you. So you too, need to learn to forgive yourself and let go of your past. At the point of our repentance, the Holy Spirit comes into our life to heal our wounds and make us whole.
I am certainly aware that I will not be able to address all the issues in divorce and remarriage in these 20 minutes. If you have other concerns, we pastors will be very glad to do our best, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to assist you.