Proverbs 31:28-29
This past several weeks we have been bombarded by all kinds of commercials for mother's day gifts. Such as: Great gifts for great mothers. From a $30 special mother's day edition of Planet Plush bear to that $7000 ring. Then we told to give a silk scarf to the mom who loves beauty, the special candle for the mom who loves romance, or the lounge chair to the mom who is as tired as a dog. Not to mention the flowers, perfumes, cookware, mixers and vacuum cleaners that would make her life so much more happier and easier. Mom's are either very picky, hard to please, therefore there are so many choices for the sons and daughters to choose. Or mom's are so easy to please, that almost any present you give her, she'll like it. Any gift is a perfect gift.
I feel most of the mothers would appreciate any gift from their children. Even though they may not be able to use it, they would say, "It's the thought that counts." They treasure that simple hand made mother's day card and keep it for years.
What does she want? My nephew once said, "What do you get for a mother who can always get what she wants?" What does she need? My mom would say, "I really don't need anything."
This is why sometimes trying to find that perfect mother's day gift is so difficult. So very often, our last resort is the gift of perfect choice: a gift certificate, so that she can get whatever she wants.
Have you ever thought of giving her a gift that she cannot get for herself? A gift only her children and husband can offer? With this in mind this morning, I want to have a little chat with the husbands and the children among us. I guess this probably includes most of us. We'll let the moms listen in.
Will you please turn with me to Proverbs 31. I am not going to tell you this is what your mom should be. This proverbs lady is certainly a very special and capable person. If you read the text closely, you'll see that she is independent yet non-competitive, busy yet balanced, wealthy yet generous, successful yet gentle. Well, this can be a sermon all by itself. But this morning we want to focus on what her husband and children gave her. This will serve as a good reference point for us to know what to get for our mom and wives. Not just on Mother's Day, but every day of the year. Vs 28, 29,"Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
In verse 28 we read, "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her…" They were communicating and talking to her. Have you noticed how moms talk to their babies? Even when the baby is only a few weeks old, she talks as if the baby understands. She would sing to the child, telling the child how much she loves him/her. Telling the child all kinds of stories. Seldom do you see fathers doing this. Experience tells us that one very basic need of women is the need for conversation, to talk to someone, to carry on a meaningful conversation.
Isn't this what we know we should do on mother's day? Talk to our moms. Have you tried calling long distance this morning? Most of he long distance lines are all tied up, because everyone is calling their mom. You don't see that on father's day. On that day, as long as the phone company is concerned, its business as usual. But not on mother's day.
When was the last time you had a talk with your mom? Not just can I have this, or can I go out with this person. But a meaningful conversation. Asking mom how she is doing. Tell her about what is happening in your life. A young lady shared with Cynthia that she and her mom sat on the bathroom floor and talked and talked till 2 in the morning! Isn't this nice? I'm certain this mom prefers this than that power plus toaster many times over.
Have a good talk with your mom, she'll love it.
Let's take a look at the content of vs 28, what did her children and husband say to her? "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Simply put, you are the greatest. You are the best mom, the best wife. They were praising her, showing her their appreciation and affirmation.
Isn't it true that we all need to be affirmed and appreciated? When others show appreciation for what we've done, it makes us feel good, it motivates us to want to do it again and do it better the next time.
However, very often moms are the most worked and the least appreciated person. If they stay home, they have to take care of the children, cook the right kind of food that will please the kids and the adult kid, the father, that is. She also has to keep the house in order. If she works outside the house, somehow she is still expected to do all these things and with little or no help from the rest of the family. And no matter how hard she tries, sometimes its never good enough for her husband. And then on mother's day we try to make up for it.
Do you know when we hear most about how great our moms and wives are? Its at the funeral services. Its great that children and husbands say nice things about their moms and wives. But I can't help but think that the person who really needs to hear all these praises can't hear them anymore. Wouldn't it be nice to praise our mom and show our appreciation when she's still alive to hear us? Mother's day is a good time to begin showing appreciation to her, praising her for what she did for us and the family. This does not mean that we praise them because they are perfect. No, they are human beings just like us, with their shortcomings and weaknesses. I am sure that they are still trying their best to be a good mother and wife. We praise her not for her perfection, but for who she is and for what she has contributed to the family. This means a lot to her. Yes, I know that taking her to eat is our way of showing appreciation, but a word or two will make it even more meaningful. Or along with that special gift, write a few words showing your appreciation for all that she has done for the family. Such words will deeply touch her.
In Willard Harley's book, "His needs, her needs", he mentions that women also have the need for affection. Affection is Physical and emotional closeness. The feeling of being loved and cared for.
When I asked girls preparing for marriage how they would like their future husband to show affection, almost without exception, they said, "touching, hugging."
We often look at mother and wife as the care giver, the one who nurtures in the family, while Dad is the provider. When the child wants someone to play, they would usually go to their dad. But when they are hurt, they would run to their mom. For mom is the one that will show them that tender love and affection. Holding them in her arms and hugging them. However, we must remember that mom also has the need to be cared for. To know that she is loved. Our affection for her can be communicated in the form of hugging, kissing, touching and holding of hands.
This affection can also be expressed in the gifts we buy her. Especially a word to the men among us, including myself. We tend to be quite pragmatic. We want to get her something useful. Such as buying her a toaster, or that 8 lb vacuum cleaner. I heard on the radio that some husbands have given their wives weed weasel and duct tapes as mother's day gifts. Certainly these are things she can use. Or more precisely, things she can use around the house.
How about something that will touch her heart? Such as a nice figurine, picture frame, jewelry, things that are sentimental, that will bring her many happy memories. Sometimes its very hard for us, especially men to know what to get. Next time when you go on a trip, pay attention to what she buys for herself or for others. Usually that is what she likes.
Another very basic need for women is the need for openness and honesty. Have you noticed how two women can communicate, if they are good friends? They can literally pour out their hearts to each other. They want to communicate at the level of honesty and openness. Our wives and moms want to know what we think and feel. When they feel that we are hiding something from them, they feel sad and insecure.
Often, men's excuse is that we want privacy, we are private persons. By that we mean we like to keep our things to ourselves. We like to keep our feeling and thoughts within. Yes, some of us are by nature quiet and reserved, but this does not mean that we can't share with others what's inside us, especially with the most important woman in our lives.
May be this is one area we can make an effort to change. Talk to our wives and mom what is within us. Some of our fears and concerns. Things that we are happy about, or disappointed about. Moms are not nosy, they just want honesty and openness from people they care. And who can be closer than their husbands and children? We can imagine how disappointed moms can be when children and husbands hide themselves from her. I remember hearing a mother saying, "I don't know what's going on with my son, he never tells me what he is up to." We don't have to live like strangers in the same house. Instead we can develop an open and honest relationship with each other.
Then there is one more need I would like to call your attention to, that is the need for commitment to the family. When women get married, they usually think in terms of having a companion that they can spend the rest of their lives together. Men think of having found someone who will take care of him and the family. Women have that strong need for commitment, knowing that her husbands and children are committed to the family. A man's world is his career, but a woman's world is her family. Family is very important to her.
We often hear wives and mothers say, "he is so busy with his work, he is seldom home." This is not just a statement of fact, but also a sense of sadness.
I have some suggestions about how we can show more commitment to our family. I know we all love our families, we are committed to them. But this commitment must be able to be seen and felt by our love ones.
As a starter, how about making it a priority to eat dinner as a family every night. It is lonely to eat by yourself. Two months ago I was a single dad while Cynthia was in another city. Even though it was only a few days, I missed those family dinner times. We maybe very busy at work, or our work requires us to be out at dinner time, then there are also those never ending school activities. But we can make this a priority.
Also a word to the husbands and fathers among us. Another way to show our commitment to the family is by spending time with our children. Our wives will be very happy when they see us spending time with our children. It shows that we care for them.
Congressman Frank Wolf of Virginia is a very busy man. Several years ago, under the ministry of James Dobson, he felt the need to change his life-style so he can spend more time at home with his children and wife. He blocked out Sunday as his family day. No one, not even the president of the United States can pull him away from his family on Sunday. This is commitment to the family.
I still remember one Thanksgiving that our oldest son, made a special surprise trip to come home from the east coast. Even though it was only for two days, it brought great joy and pleasure to us parents.
When we walk into that department store, with all those choices before us, its really not that hard to find an appropriate gift for our mother or wife. Any observant husband or child can easily spot what are some household items she may need. May be a new microwave to replace the broken one, or this ear ring matching her favorite dress. You know, taking out the check book is the easy part.
However, if we are to give gifts that will satisfy some of her emotional needs, it will be difficult. For this will involve some behavioral change. To some of us men, it may mean to spend more time at home. Others may need to begin learn opening up ourselves to share some of our feelings and thoughts with our wives or moms. Or to verbalize our affirmation and praise of them on a regular basis. It's hard working, but will be greatly appreciated. It will bring great joy and satisfaction to our mothers and wives. We need to ask God to help us change so that our wives and moms can feel our love for them and that we are honoring them. You see, when such deep needs are met, any present we buy her will bring great joy to her. If these are not met, any present will just scratch the surface.
I would also like to say a few words to the mothers among us. We live in a very broken world. Some of your deep emotional meets are just not met by your husband and children. You may be a single mom, or you have an absent husband, or your children, out of their own choice are rebellious. You may have already expressed your needs to them, but they were ignored. You are disappointed and even bitter about the present situation. To say the least, you are not happy.
May I encourage you to bring such needs to our heavenly father. Human beings can let us down, but not God. He knows your deepest needs and thoughts. Talk to him. Remind yourself that he loves you completely. You are very precious to Him.
Sunday May 9th, 1999, Rev. William Hsueh, Houston Chinese Church, Houston, Texas.